


On My Mind

by Ely



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 Route Spoilers, M/M, mention of past panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 07:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9872672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ely/pseuds/Ely
Summary: Saeyoung is annoying Saeran, as usual, but Saeran can't help but feel like there's some truth to what he's saying.





	

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

Saeran’s head snapped up from his phone to look at his brother. They were sat in the living room on opposite ends of the sofa, and Saeran was in the RFA chatroom talking to Yoosung who was supposed to be concentrating in class but was apparently too tired from staying up late playing LOLOL.

The room had been completely silent until Saeyoung’s sudden ambiguous comment, and Saeran narrowed his eyes.

“Noticed what?”

Saeyoung looked up at him from the TV and raised his eyebrows. “You’re talking to Yoosung, right?” He nodded his head towards Saeran’s phone. Saeran didn’t respond, but just studied his brother’s face calculatingly. “I can tell,” he said with a shrug, turning back towards whatever shitty movie he was watching as though that was the end of the conversation.

Saeran wasn’t having that.

“What the fuck are you trying to say?” he snapped while simultaneously trying to read the messages Yoosung was sending. Saeyoung shook his head, not looking away from the screen.

“You like him.”

There was a short pause where Saeran attempted to process what the hell his brother was talking about, before he said, “Well, yeah. That’s not difficult to figure out.”

It was true. Saeran and Yoosung were friends. They hung out a little, mostly playing videogames or watching TV. Whatever they felt like, really. He was probably the closest thing Saeran had to a friend, so _obviously_ he liked him.

To his surprise, Saeyoung just laughed and shook his head. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then stop being so cryptic and tell me what you fucking mean,” Saeran shot at him, looking down at his phone to type out a response to Yoosung’s messages. Apparently his teacher for this class had really short legs, and when he walked it looked like he was waddling around like a duck. Saeran felt a small smile cross his face as he replied saying that maybe Yoosung should offer him some corn in exchange for good grades.

“ _That’s_ what I mean,” Saeyoung said in a low voice, and when Saeran looked back up at him he saw his brother studying him closely.

“What?”

“You blush when you talk to him.”

“I… what?” Frustratingly, Saeran felt his face heat up at the comment, so he quickly lowered his head and looked back down at his phone to hide behind his hair. “No I don’t,” he mumbled.

“You smile a lot, too. I don’t know if you realise.”

“I do _not_ ,” Saeran denied, refusing to look up at Saeyoung.

“Okay, fine,” Saeyoung said nonchalantly, “I just wanted to let you know that I’ve noticed.”

“You’re an idiot,” Saeran mumbled, forcing himself not to smile and prove his brother right as a message from Yoosung came through, completely filled with typos.

 

                **Yoosung** ★: tcheaer sa wme i hvae to go

                **Saeran** : I told you to focus, stupid.

                **Yoosung** ★: dnot be mean!

_Yoosung_ _★_ _has left the chatroom._

Saeran rolled his eyes and locked his phone, turning towards the screen to watch the movie. It was some stupid action movie with too many cars and guns for it to hold any real meaning.

What Saeyoung had said was bothering him. What did he mean, he _liked_ Yoosung? It almost sounded as though he were implying Saeran had _feelings_ for Yoosung, which was ridiculous. Yoosung was a guy. They were just friends.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he thought. He _did_ feel happier when he was around Yoosung, but that was normal for friends… right? Admittedly, Saeran didn’t really have much to go by. He was happy when Yoosung was happy, and often tried to make him laugh in that uncontrolled way he did when he found something unbearably hilarious. His face would scrunch up and his entire body would shake and he would crouch in on himself, clutching hold of his stomach as he laughed, often hitting his hand on the table or the wall or whatever object was nearby. Once Saeran had made him laugh like that while they were walking, and Yoosung had had nothing to hit, so he’d grasped hold of Saeran’s shoulder as he doubled over. Saeran had liked that. He also liked the noises he made when he laughed. They would start off loud and unselfconscious, but would rapidly descend into rasping complaints and breathless, whispering sort of sounds. Yoosung would often whine that his cheeks were hurting from laughing too hard, and he usually got a stitch in his side. Saeran would have felt guilty if it weren’t so satisfying to watch him. That unguarded, carefree look was something Saeran wished he could see every day.

Although it hadn’t happened often, Yoosung had also cried around Saeran before. In a similar way to when he laughed, he screwed up his face and his entire body shook. He would curl up in on himself, but instead of being endearing and open, it gave the impression that he wanted to make himself as small as possible. Saeran didn’t like that. Yoosung didn’t deserve to ever feel that sad, and he never knew what to do when he did. Yoosung told him he helped just by being there, but Saeran wasn’t sure he did enough. He liked that he said that, though.

“What do you mean, I _like_ him?” Saeran blurted out before he could stop himself. He needed to know exactly what Saeyoung was thinking, and he could pretty much guarantee it would be something that annoyed him.

“I mean… you like him a lot,” Saeyoung shrugged, looking over at Saeran who was glaring at him, “As more than a friend.”

“You mean a _boy_ friend?” Saeran asked in shock.

“Yeah,” Saeyoung said, raising his eyebrows and grinning a little, as though the fact Saeran had jumped to that conclusion so fast was proof of his theory.

“Are you telling me I have a _crush_ on Yoosung?” Saeran folded his arms defensively.

“Well, yeah,” Saeyoung tilted his head to the side, the grin falling from his face, being replaced with an odd expression, “Wait, are you saying you didn’t realise?”

“R-realise?” Saeran spluttered, “There’s nothing to _realise_. I like him as a friend, that’s it.”

“Oh boy,” Saeyoung’s eyes widened and he quickly turned back to look at the movie, “Forget I said anything.”

“What the fuck, Saeyoung? You can’t drop something like that and expect me to just _forget about it_.” Saeran knew he was getting worked up, but he couldn’t seem to calm himself down. “ _Especially_ when it’s not true.”

“I… I didn’t realise you didn’t know,” Saeyoung said, and Saeran inhaled sharply.

“If I had feelings for someone, I’m pretty fucking sure I’d know about it,” Saeran snapped, “And he’s a guy, anyway.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Saeyoung mumbled.

“I’m not gay, Saeyoung,” Saeran insisted.

Saeyoung looked at him condescendingly, and then something dangerous flashed across his face. “Okay.”

“What do you mean, ‘okay’?” Saeran asked, exasperated at how Saeyoung kept evading saying what he was thinking. There was a pause, and Saeran was about to repeat his question when Saeyoung finally spoke.

“Then you won’t mind if I try and get with Yoosung?”

Saeran’s mouth fell open. “Wh-what?” he spluttered, “ _You_ like Yoosung?”

“Well… yeah,” Saeyoung said, “I was only holding back because I thought you liked him, but I guess you don’t, so it’s okay if I do?”

Saeran studied Saeyoung’s face. He was kidding. He had to be. This was a dangerous game he was playing right now.

“You’re bluffing,” Saeran told him.

“Guess we’ll find out,” Saeyoung shrugged.

Saeran frowned. Was Saeyoung being serious? Either way, Saeran couldn’t deny the sudden, bitter feeling which had built up inside him at the thought of Yoosung and his brother together.

Saeran thought about it properly for the first time. He’d never really considered romantic relationships as a priority in his life, because he’d figured that he would never find anyone who would be able to deal with him. But… Yoosung could. Yoosung was willing to put up with all his bullshit. He was good at helping Saeran when everything got a little too overwhelming and he found himself lost in his own thoughts. Yoosung grounded him when he was detached from the rest of the world. It seemed as though Yoosung had known from the very first panic attack exactly how to help him, which was something that had taken Saeyoung weeks to figure out. Yoosung cared whether or not he was okay. He text him throughout the day, reminding him to eat and to take his meds. Whenever Saeran was having a bad night, he was always there for him to call, and then he would ramble on about nothing until Saeran felt calmer. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d fallen asleep to Yoosung’s soft voice on the other end of the line, but it wasn’t even close to the number of times he’d wished he could be falling asleep with Yoosung next to him.

It suddenly hit him. Saeyoung was right.

“Saeyoung,” he choked out, looking at him desperately, “I… I…”

Saeyoung didn’t wait for him to finish, lunging towards him and throwing his arms around him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I thought you knew.”

“H-how did you _know_? How didn’t… how didn’t I?” Saeran clutched hold of the back of Saeyoung’s hoodie, tears in his eyes as he buried his face into his shoulder.

“Just… everything,” Saeyoung told him, stroking his hair in the way that helped calm Saeran down from his panic attacks. He wasn’t sure why. He wasn’t having a panic attack – not exactly – but he definitely felt… anxious. Scared. This was all new. “The way you act when you’re with him, how you guys always hang out together, how you always smile when you text him… I don’t know, I thought you knew. I’m sorry.”

Suddenly, Saeran pushed him away in anger. “You say you’re sorry, but you kept pushing it, saying you were going to get with him,” he shot at him, “Why the fuck would you do that?”

“I… I don’t know,” Saeyoung admitted, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, “I guess I wanted to help you figure it out?”

“You didn’t mean it though, right?”

“What?”

“You don’t _actually_ like Yoosung in that way, do you?”

“No, of course not,” Saeyoung shook his head, “I was just… I don’t know what I was doing, actually.”

“Oh, God,” Saeran clutched his head in his hands, “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

“What you’ve been doing all along. Things will work themselves out.”

“But Yoosung doesn’t even feel the same,” Saeran said, his voice a little frantic. Saeyoung looked at him pointedly. “Don’t fucking tell me he does.”

Saeyoung looked down at his hands in his lap and whispered, “He does.”

“Shut the fuck up,” he snapped. Saeran wanted to believe that but… he couldn’t.

“He does,” Saeyoung repeated a little more confidently, “I’ve seen how he looks at you.”

“L-looks at me?”

“Yeah, it’s kind of gross actually,” Saeyoung snorted, “It’s like you’re the best thing in the world, which we both know is actually me.”

“Piss off,” Saeran threw a cushion at his stupid brother, successfully hitting him in the face. Saeyoung just laughed, and Saeran turned around to look back at the TV.

Could Saeyoung be right about Yoosung? Saeran had no real way of knowing unless he straight up asked, and the thought of that sent anxiety shooting through his veins. No… asking was out of the question. Maybe he would just have to see how things played out. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out to look at it.

 

                **Yoosung** ★: Mr Duck almost caught me T__T

Saeran didn’t bother trying to stop his smile this time.

 

                **Saeran:** I’m glad he didn’t.

 

* * *

 

Saeyoung watched his brother out the corner of his eye as he tapped away on his phone. It was obvious… almost _too_ obvious. How he hadn’t realised until now was beyond him, but as he studied the faint pink blush on Saeran’s cheeks and the slightly flustered smile, Saeyoung knew one thing.

It was going to happen. They were going to end up together.


End file.
